How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack

The last page of the current month's Fine Gardening magazine featured very eye opening advise on how to deal with garden gnomes that run a muck in your backyard.  Chuck Sambuchino, author of How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack, gave readers helpful tips on dealing with the deadliest pest to roam the garden.  He says never turn your back on them or else you my find yourself being ambushed by more than one naughty gnome and you should always be aware of your surroundings and have a weapon within arms length at all times.

This interview was very serious about the threat of gnomes.  When asked how dangerous gnomes are, Chuck's reply was, "I'd say red-alert, DEFCON-2, threat-level-orange dangerous."  He also says people who think gnomes are cute are smoking too much peyote.  Ha ha.  I wonder what he'd say if he found out I have three of them living in the house.   After reading this article I will probably order a copy of his book on amazon and find out just how in denial I am about the dangers of gnomes.